Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist - PRE-ORDER

Available January 2027

I'm living the life of my dreams, but it took a devastating diagnosis to realize I deserved to.

Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist is the scary, ridiculous, frustrating, funny, painful, and surprisingly joyful story of how I got from there to here.

The Appointment That Saved My Life

In August 2020, I went in for my first mammogram. I was fifty, and I was already overdue to check that box. That was all it was: something I was “supposed” to do.

Then I got the call. They wanted to do an ultrasound.

Then a biopsy.

Then…cancer.

I didn't want to think I was a warrior. Except I was, because I fought. I fought to keep my spirits up, to keep my joy intact, to keep the fear at bay.

Sometimes I succeeded. And others, I didn't.

Over the months that followed, through surgeries and chemotherapy, wigs and fear, gratitude and anger, I made choices both large and small to stop waiting and start living.

Lots of people say cancer is a gift, and I’m one of them. But it’s one of those gifts you never ever EVER want to receive. It’s a gift you want to chuck in a bucket, light the bucket on fire, and shoot it out of a cannon so far into the stratosphere there’s no chance it will ever come back down.

Unfortunately, there’s no return-to-sender. That “gift” gave me the hardest year of my life.

And then some.

Cancer Is the Canvas, Not the Picture

Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist isn’t a cancer memoir. Cancer is the canvas, not the picture.

I was terrified and grateful at the same time: terrified by the diagnosis, and grateful my first mammogram had done exactly what it was supposed to do. I let myself feel all of it without forcing gratitude, pretending everything was wonderful, or rushing to find a bright side before I was ready.

I looked directly at fear, anger, uncertainty, and disappointment and still believed life could hold meaning, possibility, laughter, and joy.

From Diary to Memoir

My diagnosis arrived in the middle of the pandemic, and because I’m a writer, I wrote about it. I shared the appointments and decisions, the fear and hope, the absurdity and anger, and the unexpected moments of beauty.

From the biopsy to shaving our heads live and creating the 12 Wigs of Christmas, friends, family, and readers came along for the ride. Their support was the true gift, and one person after another told me, “You should put these in a book.”

Now, six years after my diagnosis, I’m finally doing exactly that.

Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist grew from the essays and journal entries I wrote while I was living through breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, and beyond. 

You can read a sample here.

Available Formats

Special Edition Hardcover

The special edition hardcover includes full-color photos, a dust jacket, endbands, ribbon, and sprayed edges. 

Paperback

The autographed paperback copy of Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist: A Memoir, includes color photos.

E-Book

The complete digital edition of Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist: A Memoir, includes full-color photos.